7 Outdated Wedding Traditions And How To Have An Inclusive Party Instead

1

The Bride Does All The Work

When you're planning your wedding, don't be afraid to ask friends for help — and it's totally acceptable to expect (and ask) your partner to split the task with you. "Wedding planning is becoming more of a collaboration between both partners instead of being something the bride is expected to handle solo," Blattel and Shackelford say. "The mindset of 'she does all the planning and just tells him when to show up' is (thankfully!) gone."

Instead, more couples are approaching the event as a team and taking equal responsibly in the planning.

2

It's All About The Couple

Although it may be "your" day, modern weddings are a little bit less narcissistic these days. If you want to give your wedding a more modern feel, think about how you can make the day as much about your guests as it as about you. "There’s also been a shift in focus from 'me' to 'us'," Blattel and Shackelford say. "While a marriage is between just two people, love parties bring all of the couple’s family, friends, and loved ones into one space for a magical night of celebration, and we’re noticing more people putting the focus on how to make their party a better experience for their communities."

3

Pitting Single Women Against Each Other

There are some really negative images of women painted at weddings — that they're all desperate to get married — so it's nice to hear that some couples are moving away from that. If there are any traditions that make you uncomfortable, you can feel free to throw them right out the window. "For reception, we’re seeing less bouquet and garter tosses," Blattel and Shackelford say. "Making a spectacle of all the single women in the room is not top of many couples’ priority lists, and thankfully neither is sexually objectifying the woman by publicly removing an article of her clothing and tossing it to a crowd of guys lined up eagerly waiting. We’re not sorry to see those go."

4

Archaic Language

Some of the language during the ceremony is getting swapped out for a more modern interpretation of marriage. "For ceremony, people are ditching 'you may now kiss the bride' and 'I pronounce you husband and wife' for things like 'you may now seal your vows with a kiss' or 'I pronounce you married'," Blattel and Shackelford say. You can update the language however you like — so don't feel like you need to stick to the script.

5

The Father Giveaway

The idea of the father giving away the bride is one of the creepiest wedding traditions, like you're being passed from your dad to the man he is now allowing you to have sex with. Luckily, this is changing. "People are more likely to walk down the aisle with BOTH parents these days — including the groom!" Blattel and Shackelford say. "Most guys don’t start ceremony standing at the altar waiting for what’s essentially a 'woman delivery' — they’re taking a moment in the spotlight to stand with their parents or partner as they enter into a new stage of their relationship." It's a more solid ground to start building your relationship on. So feel free to get both parents involved, ask someone else entirely, or walk down the aisle and give yourself away.

6

The Bride And Groom Language

Some people want to ditch the "bride" and "groom" terminology altogether. "To be more inclusive ourselves, we revamped our forms earlier this year, allowing each person to pick what word feels best for them, whether it’s 'bride' or 'groom' or 'individual A/B' or 'wedding femme' or 'swiffe' (a legit way one of our rebels identified recently, playing off “broom” as a combo of bride and groom because they didn’t really feel comfortable with either term)," Blattel and Shackelford say. "We also always ask for pronouns! Even with some of our straight cis couples, we’ve had plenty of women who don’t feel like a 'bride' because of all the baggage that comes with it." Feel free to get inventive.

7

Weddings Only Benefiting The Couple

Modern weddings aren't just a way for couples to get a new KitchenAid or more money in the honeymoon fund, so think about how and where you're putting your money. Do the vendors your using match your values? Could you ask for donations instead of gifts? "More than just wanting a kickass party for their people, couples want their weddings to give back!" Blattel and Shackelford say. More and more, millennials are wanting to put their money into companies that share their values, rather than just blowing it all on a big day.

Planning a wedding is a huge undertaking — but, ultimately, it's your day. You don't need to feel beholden to outdated traditions that make you uncomfortable or don't chime with your values. Instead, feel free to throw out the rule book and start from scratch.